you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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