I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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