I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
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You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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