All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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