I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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