Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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