I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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