I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
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