I don't usually arrange sex via text message
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
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Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize