dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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