Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
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Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
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then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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