somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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