Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
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Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
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does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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