You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
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he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
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The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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