I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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