I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i think i have two assholes
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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