God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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