my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
found the other keg... it's in the tree
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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