you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
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I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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