im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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