dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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