I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize