My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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