Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
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I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
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The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize