yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Porn is love you can see.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
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My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
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how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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