So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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