apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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