He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize