My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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