He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
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By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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