i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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