i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize