A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
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And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
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The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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