hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Randomize