My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
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Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
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Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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