what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
Randomize