chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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