ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
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I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
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Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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