I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
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how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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