Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
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