I think I died a long time ago.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
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I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
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Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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