dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
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I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
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Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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