So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
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It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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