I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
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Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
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Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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