Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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