I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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