ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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