i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize