I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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