i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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